


Tsukishima’s Problem

by ADHD_fueled_gremlin



Series: The Boyfriend Incident [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akiteru is really trying here, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship, M/M, Relationship Advice, Set in their 2nd year, Tsukushimas mom is wonderful, i had this idea at 2am and went wild, sleepover, they don’t end up dating they’re just friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADHD_fueled_gremlin/pseuds/ADHD_fueled_gremlin
Summary: Tsukishima had a problem. He told his brother he had a boyfriend and Yamaguchi, his first choice for a fake boyfriend (and his crush), is out of town. He needs to find a new fake boyfriend fast.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: The Boyfriend Incident [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842295
Comments: 17
Kudos: 137





	1. Yamaguchi has Let Him Down

Tsukishima had a problem.

“Tadashi, no, no, no, you can't be serious!” 

“Tsukki, im sorry,” Yamaguchi’s apologetic voice rang from Tsukishima’s phone speaker. “I know I agreed but my mom sprang a surprise family reunion on me. I can't get out of it, trust me I tried.” 

Tsukishima made a pathetic whining noise. “What am I supposed to tell him now?” 

“He’s your brother, I'm sure it’ll be okay.” 

Tsukishima pleaded, “No Tadashi you don't understand, he will never let me live this down.” 

Yamaguchi sighed, “I have an idea, but you have to hear me out!” He paused and in a small voice he continued, “What about asking Hinata..?” 

“HELL NO! I DESPISE HIM! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN-“ 

Yamaguchi cut him off, “Look, I actually thought this through! Let me explain okay?” 

Tsukishima huffed, “...Fine.” 

“Good. Now, I thought you could ask someone from the team. So then I thought about the third years, but they’ll either refuse or embarrass you. You barely know the first years and Kageyama will make fun of you for the rest of your life. Who's the only person you can think of who will agree to this if you ask him nicely enough?” 

Tsukishima pouted, “Hinata.” 

“Exactly. Now if you’re not gonna tell your brother the truth, suck it up and ask for Hinata’s help.” 

———————— 

**Stingyshima**  
Look, I need a favor and you can't make fun of me. 

**Tangerine**  
oh whats this? THE stingyshima asking ME for help??? :O 

**Stingyshima**  
I said no making fun of me, this is serious you human tangerine. 

**Tangerine**  
fine fine, just dont call me a tangerine again >:( 

**Stingyshima**  
This is going to sound like it came right out of a bad wattpad fanfic from 2012 but I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for this weekend. 

**Tangerine**  
WAIT DO YOU LIKE ME? im flattered but youre not really my type no offence 

**Stingyshima**  
Ew, no I do not like you. Can you read? I wrote “pretend” idiot. 

**Tangerine**  
??? but isnt that how it works in bad wattpad fanfics from 2012? 

**Stingyshima**  
I'm gonna say it again, I DO NOT LIKE YOU. Look, my brother has been bothering me about getting a girlfriend recently and I may have snapped and told him I have a boyfriend. Originally Yamaguchi was going to help me but he got held up with family issues. My brother is coming to visit this weekend. 

**Tangerine**  
OMG THIS IS HALARIOUS I NEED TO TELL KAGEYAMA RIGHT NOW 

**Stingyshima**  
Don't tell him…please. Are you gonna do it or not? 

**Tangerine**  
If suckyshima is saying please than it has to be important… hmm ok fine ill do it BUT you have to buy meat buns after practice till the end of the year >:) 

**Stingyshima**  
...fine. 

———————— 

At lunch Tsukishima grabbed Hinata before he could rush off to play vollyball. 

“Let go of my collar Suckyshima!” Hinata struggled to get away from his grasp. 

Tsukishima finally let go after dragging him across the school to a more seculded area. 

“Look if we’re gonna make this work we have to pretend not not hate each other.” Tsukishima hissed. 

“Ohhh so that’s why you dragged me here, I thought you were gonna beat me up or something!” 

“Why would I beat you up if I need your help idiot!” 

“Haha!” Hinata taunted, “You said you need my help~!” 

Both boys paused. 

Hinata spoke, “We’re doing it again arent we.” 

“Ugh this is exactly what I meant! We have to come up with something to stop outwardly hating eachother.” 

Hinata put his hand up to his face in thought. “Hmm.. Oh! What if we had a signal for when we’re getting too mean! Like in vollyball!” 

Hinata bounced around in excitment of his idea. 

Tsukishima’s face twisted into his signature snarky grin, “I didnt know you could come up with ideas moron.” 

Hinata glared at him. 

“...Fine I see how it could be,” Tsukishima forced out the last word, “Helpfull.” 

Hinata grinned, “Ha see we’re already being civil!” 

“We can’t use vollyball signals though, my brother would get suspicous. What about some kind of contact?” 

“Wha! Does he play vollyball? What position?!” Hinata bounced around in excitment. 

“Get back on track shortie.” 

“Ugh fine giraffe man.” Before Tsukishima could retort Hinata continued, “What if we went like this!” 

Hinata interlaced his fingers with Tsukishima’s, whose face twisted into disgust. 

Shaking his hand away Tsukishima asked, “Isnt there anything else we could do?” 

“Oh like what? Giving you a hug? Putting my arm around your waist? Putting my tounge-“ 

“FINE! Fine! We can do the hand thing, just dont finish that sentance.” Tsukishima pleaded. 

“Thats what I though Mr. Smartypants!” Hinata put his hands on his hips in triumph. 

Tsukishima let his head drop into his hands, in a small voice he said, “What did I do to deserve this.” 

“And you say I’m dramatic! Anyways I need your address.” Hinata demanded. 

Tsukishima pulled out his phone, texting the other boy. “There. Come over Saterday at 1pm, that’s when my brother should get there. He already told my mom about my supossed ‘boyfriend’ so you’ll meet her too.” 

“Okay! We can do this! It’ll be fine!” Hinata said with blind optimism. 

———————— 

Oh god Tsukishima could not do this. His mom was already fussing about Hinata now that he told her his name. 

“Oh Kei! Im so excited to meet him tommorow! Tell me about him!” 

His mom dragged him to sit next to her on the couch. Knowing better to argue with her, Tsukishima racked his brain for something positive he could say. 

“Uhh he’s… optimistic I guess?” Tsukishima clenched his jaw uncomfotably. 

“What else? Give me spicifics!” His mom rested her head on her hand. 

“He’s, energetic. And friendly.” Tsukishima was finding it difficult to think of anything else that wasn’t thinly vailed insults. 

“Oh he seems like such a nice boy! Is he cute?” She winked at Tsukishima. 

“Ew mom!” Tsukishima almost gagged. 

“Sorry, sorry! Its just been so long since you’ve made new friends. But now you seem to be getting along with your team, and have a boyfriend! Youre just growing up so much!” 

After she wiped the tears from her eyes Tsukishima spoke, “Are you and Tadashi gossiping about me again?” 

“Well how else am I supposed to know anything? It’s not like you tell me anything!” She fake mocked. 

Tsukishima looked down and mumbled, “Sorry.” 

His mom pulled him into a hug, “It’s okay, I just want you to be happy alright?” 

“Ok.” He mumbled again. 

“Now cmon,” She unwrapped her arms, standing up. “help me clean the house for your new boyfriend~! Youre on sweeping duty!” 

Tsukushima groaned. 


	2. An Awkward Affair for all Parties Involved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a doozy! Basically, Hinata meets the family, dinner, an impromptu sleepover, a quick sex talk, and a healthy dose of making fun of each other. :)

“Kei!”

Perched on the couch, Tsukishima dropped his book in surprise when he felt someone hug him. He looked up to see his brother. 

“Oh, hi.” Tsukishima responded. 

Akiteru let go of him and stepped back, “So! Where’s this boyfriend of yours?” 

Tsukushima rolled his eyes, “He should be here soon.” 

“I'm excited to meet the boy that’s stolen my brother's heart!” He draped himself on Tsukishima, who immediately pushed him off. 

“Ok, ok I’ll go unpack my stuff.” Akiteru walked into his old room. 

Tsukishima pulled out his phone, frantically texting Hinata. 

**Stingyshima**   
Where are you? You’re fifteen minutes late! 

**Tangerine**   
i know i know, i got lost but i'm right around the corner i think! 

Tsukishima groaned, cursing his luck. 

A ring from the doorbell cut through the air. Scrambling up from his seat on the couch he ran to the door to try to get there first. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Akiteru came out of nowhere and slid in front of him before he could open the door. 

Flinging the door open Akiteru exclaimed, “Hey there! I suppose you’re Hinata, right?” Tsukishima stopped struggling, his attempts to pull his brother away from the door useless. 

“Yeah I am!” Hinata responded, looking confused but excited. 

Stepping away from the door Akiteru let Hinata in. 

Bowing at almost a 90 degree angle Hinata shouted, “Pardon the intrusion!” 

Finally being able to push past his brother Tsukishima said, “Hi.” 

Hinata gave him a smile, “Hi!” 

“This is my brother, Akiteru.” Tsukishima continued. 

“Ah! I’m Hinata Shoyo!” Hinata said, turning to Akiteru. 

“So I’ve heard! Now c'mon, our mom is in the living room, she’ll want to hear all about you!” 

Tsukishima paled. 

Akiteru led Hinata to the living room, Tsukishima trailing behind. 

“Is that Hinata? Hello dear!” Tsukishima’s mom pulled Hinata into a bone crushing hug. 

“Oh! Hello mam!” Hinata said, hugging her back. 

Pulling away she corrected him, “Please call me auntie! Now sit, sit! Tell me all the embarrassing stories you have of my little baby!” 

“Mom!” Tsukishima whined. 

“Nope, this is happening Kei. Now sit next to your boyfriend.” 

Tsukishima was practically shoved into Hinata by his brother, falling onto the couch. Across from Hinata was his mom, sitting in one of the armchairs, Akiteru in the other. 

Hinata answered all of the questions that Tsukishima’s family threw at him. They swapped embarrassing stories about Tsukishima. Everything was going okay. 

“So I’m dying to know, how did you two get together?” His mom asked excitedly. 

Everything was not going okay. 

Tsukishima panicked, realizing that he and Hinata had never gone over this. 

“Uh well I had…” Tsukishima clenched his jaw, gritting out, “A crush on him since the beginning of the year. And then uh...” 

Tsukishima was terrible at this, he grabbed Hinata’s hand in panic. Hinata thankfully wasn’t too dumb to interpret their signal and continued for him. 

“Then one day he asked me out and I was all like ‘whaaa?’ Cause I thought he hated me, but apparently that was just his tsundere side showing! So I thought, why not? He’s pretty cute, and we went on a date the next day!” 

Tsukishima looked over to Hinata in surprise, “You think I’m cute?” 

Hinata got a frustrated look on his face, “Yeah… it’s infuriating.” 

“Aww that’s so cute!” Tsukishima’s mom cooed. 

“I didn’t know my brother was such a romantic!” Akiteru added. 

Tsukishima’s face flushed with embarrassment. He ducked his head to look at the floor. 

“Stingyshima are you blushing?” Hinata teased. 

“Oh shush.” 

Seeing the confused looks on his family’s faces Hinata explained, “Stingyshima is a nickname I call him sometimes. I came up with it when he was still acting like a tsundere! I don’t mean it in a mean way!” 

“Oh!” Akiteru chuckled, “I see it now! Stingy!” 

Tsukishima’s mom tried to cover up her laughing. 

Tsukishima wanted to jump out a window. 

After a bit more talking, his mom stood up, “Well I should get started on dinner. You boys have fun!” 

She waltzed into the kitchen. A second of silence passed before Akiteru opened his mouth to speak. 

“Nope, we’re going to my room.” Tsukishima cut in before he could say anything. Standing up he grabbed Hinata’s hand and speed walked away. 

“Ok but don’t have too much fun!” Akiteru winked. 

Tsukishima closed his bedroom door forcefully. He dropped his head in his hands and groaned. 

Hinata looked at him for a moment before grinning, “So… your family is-“ 

“Terrible? Embarrassing?” 

Hinata glared, “No I was going to say the exact opposite of you!” 

Tsukishima lifted his head and glared back, “What’s that supposed to mean nitwit?” 

“I thought you were the smart one? Anyways it means they’re nice, and cool, and funny!” Hinata exclaimed. 

Tsukishima tsked, “Whatever.” 

They stood in an awkward silence for a minute or two, Hinata looking around the room. 

He walked over to Tsukishima’s desk and looked up at the shelf above it. 

“Huh I didn’t know you like dinosaurs Tsukishima. Can I hold one of the figurines?” 

Tsukushima huffed, “If you must.” 

Hinata picked one up carefully, he examined it for a moment, “Cool! What’s this one called?” 

“Apatosaurus.” 

Hinata placed it back down. Pointing to another figurine he said, “What about this one?” 

“Tyrannosaurus Rex.” 

“This one?” 

“Brachiosaurus.” 

“Wow you sure know a lot about dinosaurs!” Hinata exclaimed. 

“Yeah well,” Tsukishima kicked at the floor with his foot, “They’re pretty interesting.” 

“I know right! They’re all big and loud and gwaah!” Hinata waved his hands in the air for emphasis. 

Tsukishima scoffed, “ What, you ran out of words in your little brain? “Pha! You wish!” Hinata replied, leaning in to glare at him. 

“Hey, dinners ready- oh am I interrupting something?” Akiteru poked his head through the doorway. 

The two boys jumped apart, scrambling for an explanation. 

“We weren’t-“ 

“It’s not what it-“ 

Akiteru leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms, “Mhm sure. Well, dinners ready, so don’t keep us waiting.” 

He pushed off the doorframe and sauntered away. 

Hinata and Tsukishima looked at each other for a moment. 

“We should go.” 

“Yup.” Hinata replied. 

———————— 

Dinner was an awkward affair for all parties involved. Except for Tsukishima’s Mom. She seemed to not notice the awkwardness in the air. 

After dinner Hinata stood up and bowed, “I should be going now, thank you Auntie, thank you Akiteru!” 

“Nonsense! It’s already so late and Kei told me that you live over the mountains right? That’s much too far to travel, why don’t you stay here for the night if your parents are okay with it?” Tsukishima’s mom asked him. 

“Uhh, well I guess-“ Hinata was cut off by Tsukishima’s mom. 

“Great! You go call your parents and I’ll set up the air mattress!” She hurried off to the closet. 

“Mom they didn’t even agree yet!” Tsukishima yelled, even though she seemed to ignore him. 

Once his mom was out of earshot he turned his voice to a whisper, “Idiot why’d you agree?!” 

“I don’t know!! She’s so nice I feel like I’d let her down!!” Hinata frantically whispered back. 

“Whatever, just go call your parents or whatever.” Tsukishima replied standoffishly. 

Hinata stuck his tongue out and ran outside before Tsukishima could catch him. 

———————— 

A few minutes later Hinata returned and announced, “They said I could stay!” 

Tsukishima sighed. 

“Oh wonderful! I’ve already set up the air mattress in Kei’s room!” His mom clapped her hands in excitement before changing her voice to a more serious tone. 

“Just so you know, I trust you boys to be safe and make the right decisions. But please if you do, be quiet, I’ve been traumatized enough from Akiteru’s girlfriends.” 

The teenagers both blushed furiously. Tsukishima’s mom reached into her pocket, pulling out a condom and placing it in Tsukishima’s hand. 

“Nope! Goodbye forever mother!” Tsukishima grabbed Hinata and ran into his room. 

There was an awkward moment of silence before Hinata started giggling. 

“Shut up, it's not even funny.” Tsukishima tried to sound mature while fighting off his own laughter. 

Both boys started wheezing in laughter. Hinata crumpled to the floor. Tsukishima clutched his stomach, leaning onto his desk for support. 

“Oh my god” Hinata wheezed out. 

“I know!” Tsukishima replied. 

After a minute of laughing they calmed themselves down. 

Tsukishima grabbed the condom and tossed it in the trash. “Goodbye you wretched thing.” 

Hinata started giggling again. “Okay now that _it’s_ gone I need pajamas!” 

Tsukishima rummaged through his dresser, muttering “You’re so small, I don't know if I have anything that will fit you.” 

“I am not small!” Hinata yelled. “The only reason nothing will fit me is because you’re a giant!” 

“Shut up, here.” Tsukishima tossed a shirt at him. 

Hinata looked at the shirt, then himself, “This is way too big!” 

Tsukishima shrugged, “It's the smallest thing I have so it's either that or nothing.” 

Hinata glared at him. “Fine Stingyshima.” 

The two boys changed into their pajamas. When Tsukishima was done he looked at Hinata who was wearing the shirt and boxers. 

“Pfff it’s like a dress on you!” Tsukishima cackled. 

“W- Well at least I’m not the one wearing kids pajamas!” Hinata retorted. 

Looking at his own dinosaur pajamas he blushed and said, “Whatever.” 


	3. Crushes and Making Fun of Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So for this beast of a chapter, Hinata and Tsukishima watch a movie, Hinata is scared of the dark, late night gossiping about boys, domestic cooking, and the team making fun of their stupidity!

Hinata sat down on the air mattress. “What now?”

Tsukishima grabbed his laptop and sat on his own bed. “Well I’m going to watch a movie. You can watch if you want but I’m picking.” 

“Hmph fine.” Hinata moved to sit on the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Tsukishima jumped in surprise. 

Hinata gave him a confused look, “Well I can’t see from down there, so scoot over.” 

Tsukishima resisted at first but eventually let the smaller boy push him farther towards the edge of the bed. 

Tsukishima pressed play on a movie that was one of his favorites. 

“Oh I love Jurassic World!” Hinata commented excitedly. 

“This is Jurassic Park.” 

“Same thing.” 

“It is not.” 

———————— 

The boys continued to argue about small details throughout the movie. 

“I’m just saying that the new one is better! I mean, they have Chris Pratt! The hottest actor!” Hinata stated, crossing his arms. 

“Okay, no. You are wrong on so many levels! First of all, they can’t just make a new dinosaur and call it plot! Although the only thing I will agree on is Chris Pratt. He is pretty hot.” Tsukishima replied. 

“Whatever the movie’s over anyways.” Hinata slid down to the air mattress as Tsukishima got up to turn off the lights. 

As he slid back into his own bed he heard Hinata say, “Goodnight Saltyshima.” 

“Goodnight Tangerine head.” 

“Meanie.” 

———————— 

Around half an hour later Tsukishima heard Hinata shuffling around before he whispered in a quiet voice, “Hey Tsukishima? Are you awake?” 

Tsukishima flipped onto his other side so he was facing Hinata, “What?” He hissed. 

“I have to pee but I don’t know where the bathroom is.” 

Tsukishima groaned and said “It’s two doors down the hall, on the right.” 

“Can you show me? I hate walking around in the dark.” Hinata whined. 

“Oh my god fine, if it gets you to shut up.” 

Tsukishima dragged himself out of bed, leading Hinata down the hallway. 

“Here. Now I’m going back to bed.” He started walking back when Hinata grabbed his wrist. 

“Can’t you just wait outside the door? I’ll be quick!” 

“What why?” Tsukishima said in disgust. 

“It’s embarrassing but I’m kinda, sorta, scared of the dark so just… please? It’ll only take a minute.” Hinata mumbled. 

Tsukishima looked at the small boy and felt something like pity. “Ugh fine. But if you take longer than two minutes I’m leaving.” 

Hinata brightened up, “Ok!” He ran into the bathroom and shut the door. 

———————— 

After their little bathroom adventure both the boys were tucked back into their beds. 

“Hey Tsukishima?” Hinata whispered. 

“What.” Tsukishima hissed. 

“Do you-“ He took a breath in, “Have you ever had like, a crush?” 

“Why do you want to know? Are you in love with me or something?” 

Hinata shot up into a sitting position, “No! Ew, no! I just- I think I may like someone but I’m not sure.” 

Tsukishima sighed, “Why are you asking me about it?” 

“I don’t know!” Hinata said frantically, “ I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about it and you’re here so…” 

“Why not ask the king?” 

Hinata stayed silent. 

“Oh my god, _him?_ Really?” Tsukishima flipped over to face Hinata. 

“Sh- Shut up!” Hinata covered his face with his hands. “I just- I’ve never really liked anyone before. Especially not a guy.” 

Tsukishima felt that pity-like emotion from earlier. He rolled his eyes even though Hinata couldn’t see him. “What made you think you could like him?” 

Hinata looked at Tsukishima for a moment before averting his gaze and mumbling, “Well, when he looks at me my heart goes all ‘gwah!’ And when he tosses to me it’s like ‘boom!’ And his smile, his scary encouraging smile, is so weird but it makes my chest go ‘za zing!’ anyways.” 

Tsukishima blinked, trying to take in all the words thrown at him. 

“Oh and he’s really, really, pretty.” Hinata added. 

Tsukishima gave him a look and said, “Well, ignoring the fact that you don’t know any real words, you basically just composed a whole essay on how much you like him. So I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that you’re in love with him.” 

Hinata blushed, “No one said anything about love!” 

He flopped back down onto the air mattress, causing it to bounce a little bit. 

“Well if I do like him what am I supposed to do? Do I ask him out? Try to kiss him? What if he says no! Oh god he probably doesn’t even like me!!” Hinata said, becoming more and more frantic with every word. 

Tsukishima shushed him, “Be quiet, dummy!” 

Hinata groaned, flopping onto his stomach, squishing his face into the pillow. 

Tsukishima was getting really tired of that pity-like feeling in his chest, “Just ask him out bonehead. Now that I think about it, it’s obvious that he likes you too. Although I don’t see the appeal.” 

Hinata picked his head up to glare at him, “Rude.” Hinata softened his gaze, “But do you really think he likes me?” 

Tsukishima, not looking at the small boy responded, “Yeah he stares at your ass like everyday during practice.” 

Hinata blushed and squeaked out, “Really?!” 

“Yeah, now go to bed.” Tsukishima closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to overtake him soon. 

“Wait, you never answered my question from before! Do you have a crush on anyone?” Hinata slyly said. 

Tsukishima blushed and stayed quiet, really hoping his wish from earlier would work. 

“Oh come on!” Hinata begged, “I poured my heart out to you, it’s only fair that you do the same Stingyshima!” 

Tsukishima sighed, knowing any attempts to ignore the boy further would possibly end in a physical fight. “If I do happen to like someone it’s none of your business.” 

“Wait really? Who? Who?” Hinata quickly sat up. 

“Shut up you owl.” 

“Cmon! I bet I can guess!” 

Tsukishima, believing in his own subtlety and Hinata’s stupidity agreed, “Fine, if you can guess we can talk about it.” 

Hinata immediately responded, “Is it Yamaguchi?” 

Tsukishima choked, his eyes shooting open and face flushing red. 

“Ha! I’m right aren’t I?” Hinata said confidently. 

“How did you-“ Tsukishima sputtered. 

“You’re not as subtle as you think. Now you said you would talk. So, talk!” 

Tsukishima groaned, “Only if you leave me alone afterwards.” 

Hinata nodded. 

“What do you even want to know anyways?” Tsukishima snapped. 

“How long have you liked him? What do you like about him? Do you think he likes you back?” 

Tsukishima took a deep breath in, “Well we’ve known each other since elementary school so I guess it was gradual. I don’t really know exactly when I started, liking, him exactly.” 

He continued, fidgeting with his fingers, “I guess I like his hair, it’s really soft. He does this stupid little snicker whenever I make a joke. His freckles make him look really cute, they’re like stars. He’s always stuck by me no matter what, I don’t really understand why though.” 

Tsukishima paused, looking down. He saw Hinata grinning mischievously. He blushed and looked away. 

“But I doubt he likes me back. He could date anyone he wants, he’s too good for someone like me.” 

Hinata smacked his arm with the force of a spike. 

“Ow! What th-“ 

“You’re an idiot you know that, right?!” Hinata whisper shouted. 

Tsukishima looked at him, dumbstruck. 

Hinata elaborated, saying, “I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you?! He stares at you like… Well I don’t know, but he definitely likes you back dummy!” 

“You’re just being blindly optimistic.” Tsukishima says, refusing to believe him. 

“I am not you coward! Anytime we change in the club room he always stares at you when you’re not looking! And he told me that he got strawberry chapstick for himself ‘cause he plans on confessing soon!” Hinata slaps his hands over his mouth. 

“I was not supposed to tell you that.” 

Tsukishima’s face was doing an excellent impression of a tomato. Thoughts were swirling around his head, Yamaguchi likes him? Yamaguchi stares at him? Yamaguchi got strawberry chapstick? Which implies that Yamaguchi wants to kiss him?! 

“Hello? Earth to Tsukishima?” Hinata waved a hand in front of his face. 

Tsukushima swatted his hand away. “Whatever. Goodnight.” And with that he flopped over so he was facing away from Hinata. 

Hinata figured that Tsukishima just needed to think. It’s fine, so does he. 

“Goodnight!” 

———————— 

Tsukishima woke up to the sun shining directly on his face. 

Moving out of the way of the annoyingly bright light he saw that the air mattress was empty. Weird. 

Tsukishima stretched his arms above his head and sat up, blindly reaching for his glasses and shoving them on his face. 

He stood up, bones creaking, and waddled into the kitchen. 

“Hinata?” He said upon seeing the boy helping his mother make breakfast. 

“Oh hey Saltyshima! I woke up and had to go to the bathroom and on my way back I saw your mom making breakfast!” Hinata said while stirring a bowl of something. 

“Yes, isn’t he just the sweetest Kei?” His mom pinched Tsukishima’s cheek. He swatted her hand away. 

“Fine grumpy pants, here, watch these for me. I’ll be right back.” His mom handed him a spatula and pointed to a pan of sizzling bacon before leaving the room. 

Surprisingly in the ten minutes they were left alone, Hinata and Tsukishima managed to not burn down the house. It was sickeningly domestic in Tsukishima’s opinion, cooking together. 

Hinata had just finished up mixing what Tsukishima now recognized as pancake batter, “Here take this.” He shoved the spatula at Hinata, “Make sure the bacon doesn’t burn.” 

“Aye aye captain!” Hinata shouted, saluting with the spatula. 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and grabbed a pan, setting it on the stove. Waiting for it to heat up he pulled his phone from his pocket. 

“Aren’t you gonna make the pancakes?” Hinata asked, confused. 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, looking at him, “I’m waiting for the pan to heat up, obviously?” 

“Why would you do that? It just takes longer!” 

Tsukishima’s face was pulled into disgust, he slipped his phone back in his pocket. “No it doesn’t? If I don’t let it heat up first then the food just sits there on the cold pan until it heats up. It doesn’t actually cook until it heats up. It’s impractical, idiot.” 

“If you say so, meanie.” Hinata, still not convinced, went back to poking at the bacon with the spatula. 

At this point the pan was hot enough to Tsukishima’s liking, he poured the batter on the pan in three little disks. 

“Ah thank you boys! I’ll take over now, could the both of you go set the table?” Tsukishima’s mom said, taking the spatula from Hinata. 

“Yes mam, Auntie!” Hinata saluted again. Tsukishima huffed. 

———————— 

After a delicious breakfast full of awkward jokes from his mom, Tsukishima went back to his room to get changed, but first, handing Hinata his clothes from yesterday. 

“Okay I think I got everything.” Hinata said after getting changed and gathering up his stuff. “Thank you Auntie for the hospitality!” 

“Oh of course, please visit again soon!” Tsukishima’s mom pulled Hinata into a bone crushing hug. 

“Mom you’re gonna crush him.” 

“Oh shush Kei!” She smacked his arm lightly. 

Hinata hopped on his bike and yelled, “See you Monday Tsukishima!” before pedaling away. 

Tsukishima gave him a small wave. 

———————— 

“Wait, wait, wait. She what!?” Yamaguchi said through giggles. 

“Yeah. She gave us a condom! There’s a difference between a ‘cool parent’ and a ‘completely insane parent!’ Tsukishima was catching Yamaguchi up on the events of that weekend, minus the part where he confesses to having a big ass crush on him. 

Yamaguchi’s laughter subsided, “I think it’s kinda sweet actually, at least she wants you to be safe.” 

“Stop! You’re sounding too much like her now!” Tsukishima put a hand over Yamaguchi’s mouth. 

He pulled his hand away quickly, “Did you just lick me?!” 

Yamaguchi started cackling. 

“Oh that’s it!” Tsukishima attacked, trying to wipe his spit covered hand on Yamaguchi. 

———————— 

“Hey Suckyshima! I know you’re not putting full effort in those blocks!” Hinata shouted across the gym. 

It had been a little under a week since the ‘boyfriend incident’, as Yamaguchi likes to call it. 

“Oh yeah?” Tsukishima smirked, “Why don't you me numbskull. Oh wait, never mind, I forgot you couldn’t reach!” 

“Fine then!” Hinata ran across the gym, through the rest of the team and grabbed Tsukishima’s hand. Remember, this was their signal. The two boys glared at each other. 

The gym turned incredibly quiet incredibly fast. 

Kageyama looked to the rest of the team, then back to them, then to the team, and finally back to them and said, “Are you guys… dating?” 

Tsukishima and Hinata both looked disgusted. 

“Ew what the fu-“ 

“Why would you even-“ 

They were both cut off by Yamaguchi’s hysterical laughter. He was clutching his stomach, curled over and wheezing. “I- I can't believe-“ He was cut off by his own laughter. 

“Ok what is going on here?” Enoshita said, stepping towards them. 

“Yeah! if Tsukishima got a date before I did I’m jumping out a window!” Tanaka said. 

“Me too!” Nishinoya added on. 

“N- No they’re not dating. At least not anymore!” Yamaguchi managed to squeeze out between wheezes. 

“Yamaguchi you liar! You promised not to say anything!” Tsukishima whined, wriggling his hand away from Hinata’s claws. 

“You guys used to date? When?” Kageyama said, looking both confused and sad. 

“It’s not what it looks like I swear!” Hinata turned to Tsukishima. “I’m telling them.” 

“Oh god no.” 

Yamaguchi shot up, “Wait, I wanna tell it!” 

“No that’s even worse!” 

“Well too bad, cause it’s happening Tsukki.” 

Tsukushima groaned and slid onto the floor. 

———————— 

“Oh my god really?” 

Tanaka and Nishinoya were on the floor, dying of laughter after Yamaguchi finished the story. 

“Tsukishima you should know better.” Enoshita didn’t even bother covering his laughter. 

“Shut up.” Tsukishima replied, his voice sounding defeated. 

“Hinata you agreed to that?!” Kinoshita said through his giggles. 

Hinata pouted, “Don’t make fun of me! He asked nicely! He even said please, he never says please!” 

Tsukushima pouted, “You all don’t understand the pure torture my brother put me through. Almost every day he would call me, trying to set me up with someone. And after I told him I had a boyfriend he kept calling except it was to ask me when he could meet him. Now that I’ve explained it, shut up!” 

“I still can’t believe your mom gave you a condom.” Tanaka said in disbelief. 

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter for this story but I’m thinking about making a sequel where the boys confess to their crushes ;) Also thanks for the support in this fic, your comments fuel my writing spirit.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I had this idea at like 2am and went crazy with it. Tsukki and Hinata don’t actually end up dating for real, they just end up becoming actual friends! There will be more chapters cause I’m invested already.


End file.
